Those Advice shared by A Father Which Rescued Us during my time as a First-Time Dad

"I believe I was simply just surviving for the first year."

Former reality TV star Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the difficulties of fatherhood.

Yet the truth soon became "completely different" to what he pictured.

Severe health issues around the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was thrust into acting as her primary caregiver in addition to looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I took on every night time, every change… every walk. The role of mother and father," Ryan shared.

Following 11 months he became exhausted. That was when a conversation with his own dad, on a park bench, that made him realise he required support.

The straightforward words "You aren't in a good place. You require support. What can I do to help you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and regain his footing.

His story is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. Although the public is now more comfortable talking about the stress on mothers and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the difficulties fathers go through.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan believes his difficulties are symptomatic of a larger inability to talk amongst men, who often internalise negative ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and stays upright every time."

"It is not a show of weakness to seek help. I didn't do that soon enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health before and after childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - particularly in preference to a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental health is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the chance to ask for a pause - taking a couple of days overseas, away from the family home, to gain perspective.

He understood he had to make a change to focus on his and his partner's emotional states as well as the day-to-day duties of taking care of a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she needed" -physical connection and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has changed how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan believes these will assist his son better understand the language of emotional life and interpret his decisions as a father.

The idea of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen was without consistent male a father figure. Even with having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, long-standing emotional pain caused his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says repressing feelings caused him to make "poor decisions" when younger to change how he felt, turning in alcohol and substances as escapism from the anguish.

"You find your way to substances that are harmful," he says. "They may briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Advice for Coping as a New Father

• Share with someone - if you're feeling swamped, confide in a trusted person, your spouse or a counsellor how you're feeling. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the activities that helped you to feel like yourself before having a baby. This might be playing sport, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the physical health - nutritious food, physical activity and when you can, resting, all play a role in how your mental state is doing.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - listening to their stories, the challenges, and also the positive moments, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Remember that seeking help does not mean you've failed - looking after you is the best way you can look after your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the death, having not spoken to him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead offer the security and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the frustrations in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they faced their pain, transformed how they talk, and learned to control themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… sitting with things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, at times I think my purpose is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but actually, it's a exchange. I'm learning just as much as you are on this path."