Evening Hosts Lampoon Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Visa Program

Television's top hosts spent their airtime criticizing President Donald Trump's recently unveiled visa initiative, called the "Trump card," characterizing it as a blatant pay-for-access arrangement for the affluent.

Stephen Colbert's Pointed Analysis

Kicking off his broadcast, Stephen Colbert presented a sardonic holiday tune about the president. "He's compiling a list, reviewing it twice, then handing that list to the agents at ICE," he sang. "The President ... spoils all he touches."

The subject was the new program which enables overseas individuals to purchase U.S. residency for an investment of $1 million dollars, or "premium" option for five million. The program's page pledges processing "faster than ever."

"A quick thought here to affluent immigrants: before you pay, what about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He explained that the scheme is also designed to "get cash" from businesses looking to hire foreign workers, with significant costs. "That's a lot of fees, but if you enroll, you also get free accommodation at a property of your selection – as long as it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he added.

"Unprecedented screening the U.S. government has ever done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to make sure these people truly meet the standard to be in America."

"That is important, you gotta prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Commentary

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the initiative the "American Dream Express Card."

"This is a card that will allow rich international individuals to live here," he stated. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get official visitor status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one major crime of your choosing."

"It might be time to change that message on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your huddled masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel lampooned the brevity of the application, observing it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"Indeed, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Grocery Struggles

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's plunging approval numbers during economic concerns. "The public gave Donald Trump a another term since they were mad about the economy," he explained.

Recently, in a effort to address affordability, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a display of food items, and reacted strangely to some cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a ages."

"He is so fucking weird," Meyers responded. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by mocking right-leaning news coverage of Trump's financial performance. "Perhaps instead of voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy like the one FIFA did," he laughed.