A Guide to Talk Romance Like a Generation Z: 51 Ultra-Specific Terms for Love, Sex and Bad Behaviour

The current period marks a full decade since the word “vanishing” hit the mainstream. Back then, the concept that someone could abruptly cease communication with a lover without explanation seemed like the pinnacle of disrespect. How naive we were. In the ten-year span since, seeking a partner has only become more confounding – an commonly fruitless exercise in embarrassment that is increasingly shaped by social media jargon.

Zoomers, a cohort who matured during a loneliness crisis, a masculinity reckoning, and a coordinated challenge on the rights of females and the queer community, faces a far messier landscape than their Gen Y elders could ever imagine. And so their romantic glossary has grown more elaborate and more bizarre, with phrases like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” straining the boundaries of your mental fortitude.

The following list is a comprehensive glossary to the words this generation is using to navigate romance, sex and the pursuit of both. To paraphrase one of the recent most enduring memes, by the conclusion of this glossary you’ll long to get back to simpler times – because where that is, it lacks “ideological catfishing”.

The Letter A

Authenticity – According to Zoomers, romance's ideal is presenting as your true, raw self. Good luck with that!

B

Feathered friend test – A online phenomenon inspired by a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you point out something minor – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your partner’s response is inquisitive or disinterested. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Mysterious girlfriend – Zoomers' answer to the “manic pixie dream girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend focuses on her own needs while exuding enigma and self-sufficiency. (She may yet have baby bangs.)

C

Support test – This signifies seeking out someone who helps you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a seat for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A meet-up where two people bond while doing chores, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped people in their 20s do budget-friendly dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Crashing out – Having a breakdown when you feel swamped by life. You can lose it over a crush or breakup, venting all of your unreciprocated emotions.

The Letter D

Dink – Double income, no kids. Once a signifier of 80s young urban professional affluence, it describes partners who choose against parenthood to focus on their own happiness. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The opposite of being guarded: practicing communication, transparency and openness.

F

Indicators

• Red flags – Behavioral traits suggesting a potential partner is bad news. Examples include calling their former partners crazy, subpar tipping habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a nascent DJ career …
• Positive signs – These actions validate your decision to date a partner. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal screen time, having a bed frame …
• Odd but harmless traits – These usually describe niche, largely inoffensive idiosyncrasies. For instance being an keen ornithologist, still keeping a pen in their bag, paying the rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you connect with someone who’s just as passionate about films about the WWII or DVD collecting or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who despises the same stuff or individuals that you do (nothing creates intimacy faster than having a common enemy).

G

The band Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy is into.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who reappears into your life after a period of ghosting.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and loyal. The uncommon boyfriend who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's counterpart.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online community of men so preoccupied with masturbation that they attempt lengthy sessions, intentionally delaying climax so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Heterofatalism – A mindset describing many women’s increasing cynicism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An archetype championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and contentedly home-oriented, who apparently has no goals of her own other than satisfying her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Ick factors – Arbitrary and frequently trivial turnoffs that instantly shut down any sense of interest.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to remember after you watch someone else receive an extremely sweet display.

The Letter J

Professions – These have not been this important in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate partner: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in sectors they perceive as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, educators or therapists.

K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that kissing has existed for 16m years. But the days of locking lips may be numbered since some gen Z prefer fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy believable.

Kittenfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {